KaibaChan no Party! And other fun stuff
by Rukita
Summary: This is mild parody of "romance" fanfics. Kaiba gets conned into hosting a party for the gang, and the night is spent playing rather extreme party games. Has any and all shounen-ai couplings (reviewers can request couplings)
1. And So The Insanity Begins

Chapter 01: And So The Insanity Begins . . .  
  
Me: Hallo, I'm obviously your authoress for the night, and I'd like to welcome you to my fic! Anyhoo, this is my first attempt at humor (not like every-line-makes-you-want-to-crack-up humor, but rather there are more funny and lighthearted scenes than not-so-lighthearted ones).  
  
Yami (any of them): Kuso! Run!  
  
Mina-san: *sprints off*  
  
Me: Mateooooooooo! *runz after them and catches up after twenty minutes* Ha! That's where developing your cross-country skills will get you!  
  
Yami Bakura: Sure, it allows you to run away from your enemies, how useful when you can blast them to never-never land in the first fifteen seconds of the "issue"?  
  
Yuugi: Now now, Bakura-kun, not all of us have or want that ability.  
  
Me: Yeah, well, getting back to something with a point (wait, this is a humor fic . . . there's a point???), as I have a tendency to be the last person to hop on the bandwagon, I'll finally add a disclaimer to my fan fiction. Show of hands, who wants to do it?  
  
Mina-san: *runz off again*  
  
Me: You losers. *looks down* Hey! Malik-kuuuuuun! Forget something? *holds up Sennen Rod*  
  
Malik: Okuso . . .  
  
Me: Now, if I remember correctly, you wave the little wand thingie like a magical girl, and poof! Everyone is under your mind control!  
  
Yami Malik: Baka. It won't work on all of us at once, especially since we've got the other items to counter it . . . waaaaah?!  
  
Yami Yuugi: *covering his hikari's eyes* Ack! At least wear some shorts if you're going to dance like that!  
  
Malik: Waaaaah! Mou hitori no boku, you said you'd only do that dance for me!  
  
Yami Malik: How the . . . what the . . . you are so dead!  
  
Me: *insert evil laugh here* YES! I am the all-powerful authoress! I can modify the objects/inhabitants of this story (meaning you) in any way that I wish! Now let's have a show of hands as to who'd like to do the disclaimer! Or do I have to make you mud-wrestle for the position?  
  
Otogi: *ahem* The almighty authoress has power only over the fic. She obviously has no control or ownership over the Yu-Gi-Oh! manga or TV show (only the illustrious Kazuki Takahashi can claim this) . . . if she did, it would be shounen-ai (like this story) and any dubber who even changed one of the hairs on my beautiful head would be dragged off to Siberia by her flunkies. It would also probably not be appropriate for American daytime TV to being with . . .  
  
Ryou: Otogi-kun! When did you get here?  
  
Yami Bakura: Try why and how did you get here? You're not in this fic!  
  
Me: Eh, figured he deserved a moment to shine. He's had that moment, so, ja!  
  
*Otogi disappears in a poof of smoke*  
  
Me: well, sit back, and enjoy (hopefully) one of those fics that you know wasn't written by KidsWB's targeted audience. ^^  
  
Kaiba: Oh, and one more warning: the supreme authoress may totally (ok, maybe not totally) and relatively randomly demolish a lot of character relationships to fit her humor purposes. Just so you don't freak. Isn't that right, Jou old buddy?  
  
Jounouchi: *barks happily*!  
  
Me: although the fic takes a while to get to the humorous parts (gomen!), I promise it will be good by the party scene. So stick with it, k?  
  
Anzu: Also, knowing some Japanese might not kill you when you read this, but for those of you who apparently do not fulfill the suggested daily dose of subtitled anime, the authoress will try to include at the bottom all the Japanese she used (but since she's incorporated much of it into everyday language, she might forget a few . . . that's something her English and Spanish teachers in particular really appreciate . . . ^^)  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
The gang (Yuugi, Jounouchi, Honda, Anzu, Ryou, Malik, and the Yamis) all huddled under eave at the entrance of their school so as to avoid getting drenched with rain while waiting for the clouds to part so they could walk home.  
  
"Great day for someone to steal our umbrellas" Jounouchi grumbled.  
  
"But isn't it weird that all of us, and yet no one else in the school, had their umbrellas stolen on the same day?" Ryou pondered. Anzu glanced over at Yami Bakura and Yami Malik who were smiling a bit too innocently.  
  
"Yes, suspicious isn't it?" She muttered, strutting over to where they stood. She stared up at the two with large, inquiring eyes and a wide smile. The two boys tried to stare back but cracked up after only a few seconds. "OKAY!" Anzu shouted, "FESS UP!" This only led them to laugh harder.  
  
"You look like a disgruntled Kuribo when you're mad! Especially with that poofy hair of yours." Yami Bakura snickered. Anzu covered her head instinctively.  
  
"It's just frizzy because it got humid really fast today," she mumbled.  
  
"So what were you guys using our stuff for today?" Jounouchi inquired bitterly.  
  
"Hey!" Yami Malik spat back, "it's not our fault they made them to look like tops! They actually worked pretty well until mister impatient here decided they would spin faster in the shadow realm!"  
  
"You know as well as I do laws of physics don't apply in there!" Yami Bakura shouted back. "And it worked fine until you dispersed it! Now our umbrellas are forever lost in the abyss of insanity!"  
  
"I only dispersed it because Kinomoto-sensei threatened to expel us if he ever found us "smoking" again!" Yami Malik slid over to his hikari and wrapped his arms around his chest. "And I have to be here to protect my little helpless Malik."  
  
"Helpless my-" Honda muttered, probably too loudly. Before Yami Malik could slice him into a million pieces, a limousine rolled by and Kaiba stuck his head out one of its windows.  
  
"Hey, guys, listen. My head cook, thinking it was a month from now, ordered food for fifty people and now I'm stuck with all of it. I was thinking I could draft you guys into-"  
  
"PARTY AT KAIBA'S!!!" Yami Bakura yelled gleefully, but not without his typical mischievous glint. Immediately, everyone started yapping about how cool it would be to finally have a fiesta in Kaiba's mansion and how it was "about time."  
  
"No! I want you guys to help me take it all to the local soup kitchen! Damn corporate bastards keep accusing me of not 'sharing the wealth,'" Kaiba corrected, but in their excitement, no one heard him. He sighed and collapsed into the leather seat of his limo. "Oh I give up."  
  
"Hey Kaiba, when's the bash starting?" Jounouchi asked.  
  
"Better make it after six, so we have time to change" Anzu added hastily, "I have to get out of my school uniform; I feel so uncomfortable in it!"  
  
"Skirt too short?" Yami Yuugi asked. Anzu glanced back at him with a look of genuine confusion.  
  
"No, too long. Duh."  
  
"Fine, seven, whatever. Not like I ever seem to have any say in this-"  
  
"Oi, Kaiba!" Yami Bakura again cut Kaiba off. "Will there be any fruit juice? The kind Pegsy likes?"  
  
"NO! I will not put up with you hooligans under the influence of alcoholic beverages! And nobody bring any either," he added sternly. However, Yami Bakura and Malik were already comparing notes on drink mixing. Kaiba rolled up the limo window and snapped at his driver "Get me the hell outta here." He picked up the phone installed in the armrest and punched the buttons in frustration. "Yeah, Mokuba? Tell the staff to get the ballroom and hallway leading to it completely cleared immediately. I don't want a single item remaining that could be destroyed by a stray ball of dark energy. Yeah, _they're_ coming over. Yes I know it's not a good idea, Mokuba. Oh, and tell the cook he's fired."  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Back at Yuugi's house, he was pondering which of his various outfits he should wear.  
  
"I really can't decide!" he whined. "I want to wear this top, but I want to wear these pants, and they clash! Since when does blue-tinted leather go with red-tinted leather?"  
  
His yami walked over to his closet (the two insisted on sharing a room despite the empty guest bedroom next to Yuugi's) and pulled down a white box.  
  
"Here Yuugi. I found these at the store and although they didn't fit myself, I figured you'd fit into them well." He opened the box holding up a new pair of (surprise) leather pants with (surprise) buckles. He strode over to where Yuugi stood in front of the mirror and wrapped his arms around him, holding the pants up to his waist. He lowered his face so that their cheeks touched as he gazed at Yuugi's reflection. "They'll look fantastic on you," he whispered in his hikari's ear. Yuugi's face lit up at the compliment.  
  
"You think so? Arigatou, mou hitori no boku!" He thanked his yami with a smile and dashed off to the bathroom to change. Yami hit his head against the mirror in frustration.  
  
"Seriously, I realize Yuugi's innocent and all, but how can he possibly not pick up on any of the hints I throw him? Does he think that having another guy hang all over you every waking (heck, sleeping too for that matter) moment is normal or something? Jeez . . ."  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
While everyone else was having fun picking out clothes, Kaiba was frantically running around the house, checking and double-checking all the locks on every door in his house, installing some if need be.  
  
"Nii-sama," Mokuba said to his brother as he dashed by, "I realize you're not one of the most trusting people in the world, but isn't checking each lock nine times a bit obsessive-compulsive?"  
  
"Of course not, Mokuba," he replied as he bent down and started picking at one of the locks. "And with this bunch, you really can't be too careful. Besides, this is only the third time I've tried picking this lock, and I'm sure that white-haired one, you know, the ex-tomb raider, could break open a lock in his sleep."  
  
"But I thought you didn't believe in that pre-destination stuff!"  
  
"No time to be skeptical, perhaps after everyone's left, ok Mokuba?" His younger brother sighed and sauntered off towards the ballroom.  
  
"Maybe nii-sama reacts a bit stronger to sugar than I thought," Mokuba pondered as he glanced back at his brother, recalling the fifteen packets of sugar he had dumped into his brother's juice as a joke when he got home. Of course, he had been too focused on all the time he was going to lose thanks to the hullabaloo that he had gulped it all down without noticing. Mokuba stared at the empty room. Anything even remotely resembling a chair or table had been evacuated, leaving behind only faint shadows on the hardwood floor where they had stood. The cabinets containing china and porcelain figures had also been moved to the furthest corner of the mansion. All that remained were a few hooks on the wall, indicating that paintings had previously hung there and several long, cheap plastic fold- tables that the food had been placed upon. Mokuba frowned at the gloominess of the room. "There's no way nii-sama can be expected to throw a party here; it would embarrass the entire Kaiba line!" He thought for a moment, and then out of inspiration dashed downstairs into the large basement that was used for storage.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
At 6:45, Kaiba finally completed his inspection of the house, still not satisfied with the security system but even he could see that his efforts were probably futile anyway (plus the sugar rush was wearing off). He entered the ballroom with a pile of plastic plates and cups but dropped them in astonishment.  
  
"MOKUBA!" he yelled. His brother appeared from behind him with a proud smile on his face.  
  
"I spruced it up a bit, nii-sama; it was just too boring and embarrassing to show our friends," he explained. Kaiba was less than pleased.  
  
"Mokuba," he hissed in a voice that threatened to crack at any moment, "what gave you the idea that I would allow you to turn our house into the site of a rave?" Mokuba guessed by his brother's eye twitch that he wasn't exactly happy. He glanced over his work and realized he wasn't exactly exaggerating either. Using various technology he had collected over time (this kid's as rich as his brother, after all), he had assembled together a stupendous light show composed of hidden strobe lights, disco balls lining the walls, and other pretty, flashing devices. He had installed a full stereo system and disc jockey station at the far end of the room with surround sound speakers placed in the other three corners. The room looked like it had been air-lifted from a club in Tokyo. Kaiba wasn't sure exactly where his brother had seen such a scene before, but after the initial shock he had to admit it was pretty impressive.  
  
"So, you did this all yourself? There are some pretty sophisticated devices in this room; I'm surprised you were able to set them all up."  
  
"Yup! I guess my gift with gadgets is genetic," he replied, smiling up at his brother. Kaiba began to smile back, but sobered up when the doorbell rang.  
  
"Chikushou . . . they're early! What ever happened to being fashionably late?" He dashed down the hallway to answer the door (he had let his servants go home early in anticipation that things would get ugly); whoever was on the other end was rudely ringing it every three seconds. Mokuba followed him.  
  
"Can I please be in charge of the music? Please? I know how to operate it really well." Kaiba hesitated for a moment before sighing in defeat.  
  
"Considering how many other allowances I've had to make in the past five hours, sure, why not?" he replied with an unusual hint of sarcasm.  
  
"Nii-sama,"  
  
"What, now Mokuba?" he snapped more harshly than he had intended.  
  
"I, um, just though I could answer the door for now so you could get ready. You're still in your school uniform after all." Kaiba slid to a stop and looked down at himself, realizing his brother was right. He muttered a response, turned, and climbed the stairs (finding to his dismay four locks that he had to open before he could continue onto the second floor).  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Me: Well, that was fun, wasn't it?  
  
Yami Bakura: No, Kaiba got a larger role than I did!  
  
Me: Quit whining. *waves the Sennen rod and YB suddenly goes all chibi and grows bunny ears* Kawaii! ^^ I saw this really cute picture yesterday of a chibi Bakura-kun with bunny ears that moved! I was ecstatic to say the least. Let's make a chibi Ryou to match! *waves rod*  
  
Malik: hey, that thing's not a magical wand like those wanna-be magicians use! It's a sophisticated device from ancient Egypt that really needs to be treated with respect!  
  
Me: Lo-que-sea  
  
Chibi Ryou: The authoress really appreciates reviews, suggestions, corrections, etc. She writes and updates more when she thinks people are actually reading the story.  
  
Me: Too true. Well, ja ne!  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Here are some Japanese translations (even though there is probably no need . . . owell, adds to the word count, ne? ^^)  
  
Kuso ~ Shit, damn, etc. It's a relatively moderate swear; you get the picture. Chikushou ~ Damn, basically another swear Arigatou ~ Thank you Arigatou Gozaimasu ~ Thank you, but in a more respectful way Mou Hitori no Boku ~ My other self; this is something that Yuugi calls his yami Yami ~ Dark, or in this case, someone's "dark" side (Yami Yuugi, etc.) Hikari ~ Light, or in this case, the "original" person (Yuugi, Ryou, etc.) Nii-sama ~ Older brother. 


	2. Salty Shrimp and Punch

Chapter Two: Salty Shrimp and Punch  
  
Me: Well, it's time now for . . . chapter two! No running this time for the cast, though. Using this cheap-looking chunk of gold *holds up the Sennen ring and pulls a card out of her pocket* Mirror Force!  
  
Yami Bakura: Hey! You're the one who stole it from my trailer!  
  
Yami Malik: I told you it wasn't me!  
  
Me: Hee hee, yeah. Personally, if I could have one of the Sennen items, it would definitely be the ring. You have to admit how cool it is; it brings cards to life, can instigate a shadow game, can do some pretty wacky things to other people's minds, and you can't loose it! That's a nice bonus.  
  
Ryou: *bitterly and totally OOC* Yeah, well, you also get a defective yami as part of the deal. You can't loose him either.  
  
Yami Bakura: Hey!  
  
Me: *glomping YB* But that's the best part! *whines* IWANNAYAMI!!!  
  
Malik: You can take mine; the last time he went on a mad killing spree, I was held for questioning at the police station for a week, even though over 15 students and teachers swore up and down that I had been in school at the time. *glare*  
  
Yami Malik: So that's why you insisted I go to school! You mean bullies aren't picking on you?  
  
Jounouchi: Have to be one helluva suicidal bully.  
  
Me: Well, we all know what time it is now! Mai-san, why don't you read the disclaimer this time?  
  
Mai: Does that mean that I don't get a role in your fanfic either?  
  
Me: Anou . . . I'm not authorized to reveal that at this moment.  
  
Mai: Authorized? AUTHORIZED? You're the frickin' authoress! Who's gonna be more "authorized" than you?  
  
Me: Hey! Do you want to read it or not?  
  
Mai: Fine, fine. *ahem* The exalted authoress would never even try to convince the world that Yu-Gi-Oh is owned by her or is of her creation. There are two reasons for this: 1) no one would even for a second begin to pretend that they believed her and 2) she respects the even more exalted Kazuki Takahashi much more than to try and plagiarize his work.  
  
Me: Very true. So sit back, eat some mint chocolate chip ice cream, and enjoy the story! Besides, you don't have anything better to do until you mom takes those Yu-Gi-Oh DVDs out of the closet she locked them in, right? (my mom keeps threatening to do that until I catch up in my AP Lang class . . . so of course I squander my limited storage of writing ability on this, ne? ~_^)  
  
Yami Yuugi: Oh, and if the authoress ever refers to someone named "Yami," it's whichever Yami is involved in the situation. Example: if Ryou and his yami are having a conversation, "Yami" obviously means Yami Bakura. It just prevents redundancy, that's all.  
  
Yami Bakura: And sometimes, I'm referred to just as "Bakura." Again, it prevents redundancy and some characters (like the Kaibas) don't call us Yamis anyways.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Mokuba opened the door to find a disgruntled pair of yamis and a slightly embarrassed pair of hikaris.  
  
"About time you answered the door," Yami Malik grumbled. "What are you doing here? Where's your wanna-be duelist brother of yours?"  
  
"Nii-sama's getting ready; after all, you guys are kinda early," Mokuba replied with a surprising about of cheer.  
  
"He kept insisting that it was past seven," Malik said bitterly, "because _someone_ thinks the position of the sun is more accurate than a mechanical clock."  
  
"Renouncing your Egyptian heritage already, are you?" his yami replied cynically.  
  
"Hey," Ryou interrupted cheerfully, "I'm surprised you don't have stronger security around your house, Mokuba."  
  
"We do," Mokuba replied with a confused look, "at the beginning of the driveway. How did you get through the locked gate anyway?"  
  
"So that's what that was," Yami Bakura mumbled.  
  
"What did you do to their security system?" Ryou exclaimed, "is that what made that loud explosion? I really can't leave you alone for thirty seconds, even to park the car, can I?" His yami wrapped his arms around Ryou's neck, placing the palm of one hand on his hikari's soft cheek.  
  
"Nor do I want you to," he replied seductively. Sobering up a little, he turned back towards Mokuba. "Now what was I seriously supposed to do? It kept telling me to enter a password, and then a camera jumped out of the wall . . . attacking it was just an automatic reaction I picked up; it's really hard to drop habits you've had for 3000 years." He unwrapped his arms and waltzed arrogantly through the front door, slightly shoving Mokuba out of the way.  
  
"Ahem," the boy responded, his right hand outstretched, "your Sennen item . . . nii-sama insisted that I check them at the door." Yami Bakura growled at the boy, but reached into his pocket and withdrew the gold ring he always carried with him. He grumpily shoved it into Mokuba's hand and attempted to walk past him. "Bakura," a stern voice scolded him, "your _real_ Sennen item. I'm not that gullible; I know you carry a fake." Ryou quickly reached around his yami's neck and lifted the ring out from under his shirt before Yami Bakura could seriously hurt the boy.  
  
"Gomen, Mokuba-kun," Ryou apologized as he handed it over. Mokuba nodded in thanks.  
  
"You too, Malik," he insisted.  
  
"You wouldn't have made Pegsy give up _his_ Sennen item," Yami Malik grumbled as he handed over his rod and entered the house.  
  
"So which way to the grub?" an unnaturally bouncy hikari asked from behind him.  
  
"This way!" Mokuba proudly exclaimed as he led them down the hallway to the ballroom. He was delighted by everyone's surprise and appreciation of his decorating skills. Not to mention, of course, the great gadgets that screamed "play with me!" Mokuba hopped up to the D.J. seat behind his large stereo system setup and, pressing a few buttons, made the room light up in a fantastic display of color and sound. He programmed a play list and light show (wisely putting a password on the controls) and stepped down from his seat. "I'll be waiting at the door to invite the others in" he informed the foursome, "so you can serve yourself dinner over there. And," he added, sensing a mischievous aura, "don't bother trying to operate the stereo; it's password protected!" He winked and walked down the hallway.  
  
While Yami Bakura was stuffing his face (Ryou was being a little more polite about it; at least he used a plate and utensils), Malik and his yami exchanged grins. They reached into the pockets of their pants (both wore identical cargo pants; very ancient Egyptian, ne?) and pulled out a large, plastic sheet, a piece of cardboard with a pinned-on spinner, several handfuls of faked duel monster cards, and a variety of other game pieces. Ryou looked over at the pile in astonishment.  
  
"How do you fit all of that in your pockets while still keeping such a slim figure?" he asked, rather femininely he realized on retrospect. The twins just grinned.  
  
"Wouldja believe us if we said it was magic?"  
  
Yami Bakura walked over, wiping salmon eggs from his mouth, and stared at the various objects. "What the hell are these supposed to be?" he asked.  
  
"For school, we had to research games from other cultures," Malik replied, "and since a certain spiky-haired couple had already stolen the topic of Egyptian games, we researched American party games." He picked up a dart and fingered its sharp tip. "Some of them sounded pretty fun, so we brought the pieces needed. Let's see how grand the 'King of Games' is at these!"  
  
"Particularly since his Sennen puzzle will get checked at the door too!" his yami cackled. He picked up the game pieces and shoved them in a corner for later use.  
  
The doorbell rang again shortly after, and in strode Jounouchi and Honda, followed shortly after by Anzu. Jounouchi and Honda alone practically devoured the remaining food and the table along with it, while Anzu immediately picked up on the music and began to dance in rhythm, her shiny black shoes and sequined dress reflecting the lights like a disco ball. Yami Bakura, meanwhile, had been spending a suspicious amount of time leaned over the various food items. The Maliks, meanwhile, appeared to have disappeared entirely from the scene.  
  
With a flutter, Kaiba also entered the room. Let's just say he looked kinda shiny in his outfit, composed of some material he probably invented himself. He stepped calmly into the room, suppressing with remarkable control his anxiety, and walked up to his brother, who had returned from his hosting duties at the front door. After checking that nothing had really happened yet, he sat himself down in one of the chairs his brother had set up and pulled out his laptop. Soon, he was typing busily, while still glancing up and scanning the room for suspicious activity every few moments. Although the loud music was a bit distracting, he refused to sacrifice any more time due to this vexing event.  
  
"Kaaaaaaaaiba-kuuuun!" Yami Bakura shouted mockingly from the refreshment table. Kaiba pretended to have not heard him over the loud music and kept tapping his fingers on the keyboard. "Kaaaiba!" He yelled again, and, not getting a response, walked up to where Kaiba sat and slammed the laptop shut on his fingers.  
  
"What do you want," Kaiba hissed at him, his icy eyes flashing like blue flames in the strobe lights. Bakura didn't show any hint of intimidation.  
  
"Where's the bathroom?" He asked.  
  
"Three doors straight down the hall on your right." Kaiba replied coldly, opening his laptop again. Bakura slammed it down again.  
  
"All the doors down that hallway are locked," he stated triumphantly. "Not a door in this entire house, in fact, is without a lock."  
  
"So I wasn't just being paranoid," Kaiba muttered.  
  
"Hey, a good tomb raider always explores his environment to search for all escape routes, traps, and secret entrances," Bakura replied, feigning slight offence. Kaiba just muttered and returned to his work. "Kaiba! Aren't you going to unlock it for me?"  
  
Kaiba grumbled but realized that in his haste he probably _had_ locked the bathroom door along with the others. Obviously he hadn't meant to do this, and Bakura's request _was_ reasonable, so he sighed, rose from the chair with his laptop safely tucked under his arm and walked down the hall towards the locked door. Just as he left the room, the Maliks ran out from the shadows with two paper bags and identical maniacal smiles plastered on their faces. No one paid much attention to their mischief, though, because at that moment the doorbell rang.  
  
"Must be Yuugi," Mokuba said as he scurried towards the door. A few moments later, he returned followed by the two spiky-haired boys. Jounouchi whistled at their attire.  
  
"Wow," he commented, "not only do they have taste, they also possess the incredible ability to put on such tight outfits. I seriously would have thought it physically impossible to fit into those." Honda nodded in agreement.  
  
"Thanks guys!" Yuugi replied cheerfully. He and his yami joined everyone at the food table where they were all gathered, drinking punch.  
  
"How's the punch?" Yami Yuugi asked, pouring himself a glass.  
  
"Quite refreshing," Honda informed him, "the food was great, talk about delicacies, but way too salty." Anzu and Ryou nodded in agreement.  
  
"Oi, Kaiba" Jounouchi called out as Kaiba reentered the room. "I'd never had guessed that the filthy rich ate sodium-saturated food like we poor people do. Couldja have possibly added any more salt?"  
  
"That's weird; I know I specifically requested low-sodium dishes," Kaiba said, confused, "the catering service I use knows that many of my guests cannot tolerate much salt." He walked over to the table, picked up a sushi roll, and popped it in his mouth. He quickly spat it out. "What the hell," he muttered as he bit into a shrimp which he too spat out. "Even the shrimp's literally blanketed in salt!" Upon hearing Yami Bakura's delirious laughter Kaiba realized the identity of the culprit and arrogantly turned and headed back to his chair. Just as he was sitting down Yami Malik grabbed his laptop from under his arm and with a flash of light it was gone. "Goddammit!" Kaiba shouted menacingly, "what the hell did you do to my computer?"  
  
"Two words for you," Yami Malik replied with a grin, "shadow realm."  
  
"But you can't send things to the shadow realm without your items," Mokuba interjected. Malik reached into his pocket, withdrew his rod, tossed it up like a baton, and caught it with a loud "swipe."  
  
"We found them," he replied, tossing the Sennen ring back to its owner. "And guess what else we found with them?" Kaiba, with a horror-stricken face, turned to Mokuba.  
  
"Where did you place the Sennen items," he asked slowly. Mokuba looked down ashamed.  
  
"In the kitchen cabinet . . . next to the sake."  
  
"I thought the punch tasted suspicious," Yami Yuugi said, glancing at the Maliks.  
  
"Hey," Yami Malik replied, "it's a sophisticated American tradition to 'spike the punch.'"  
  
"That's a prank you moron!" Kaiba shouted in frustration. He slapped himself on the forehead with the palm of his hand. "Exactly how much punch did you guys drink?" he asked.  
  
"Lessie," Jounouchi replied, "the food was really salty, so I had," he started counting on his fingers.  
  
"Oh joy," Kaiba muttered to himself, "now they're all drunk. Just what I needed." Remembering his abducted laptop, he twirled back towards Yami Malik. "You've had your fun, now give me back my laptop." Yami Malik shook his head with a "tsk."  
  
"Do you seriously think we're going to get it back that easily? It's a party, and parties are supposed to have games. Win three separate games and we'll return your computer. Everyone, of course, can play too."  
  
Yami Yuugi's ears immediately perked up at the mention of "games." A pleased grin spread across his face and his eyes narrowed into competitive mode.  
  
Kaiba didn't like the concept of walking into a challenge he knew nothing about, but it was a challenge, and he couldn't back down, especially not to Malik.  
  
"How do I know that you haven't given yourself some sort of advantage?"  
  
"Oh, that's easy," Malik asserted, "they're all American games that none of us, I'm sure, has ever played before, so no one has an advantage." Kaiba hesitated for a moment, but seeing no other way to save his laptop (which had billions of dollars worth of information stored on it) he knew he hadn't a choice in the matter.  
  
"All right, I accept. What's the first game?"  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Sennen _____ : that refers to a millennium item (sorry, probably should have stated that in the first chapter)  
  
Gomen: I'm sorry  
  
Gomen nasai: I'm sorry in a more respectable way  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Me: bwah! Another chapter completed! Here's to productivity. My goal here is to make each chapter at least 2,500 words (because short chapters annoy the heck out of me and I've noticed that if not monitored, my chapters become embarrassingly short embarrassingly fast).  
  
Chibi Ryou: As always, reviews are really appreciated! Random comments or indications that people actually care are good, criticism is better, and ideas about where you want this story to go (such as what games they should play and what couplings you want to see) are best.  
  
Yuugi: The authoress is trying to update as frequently as possible (of course), but distractions such as school, track, more school, sleep, and ten DVDs that are sitting by her television on loan kinda slow down the process a bit.  
  
Yami Yuugi: Not to mention how much she loves other fanfics too! It's causing her mental health to deteriorate. I keep trying to tell her that there is such a thing as too much angst.  
  
Anzu: Not to mention she's gotten to the point where she sees shounen-ai relationships everywhere . . .  
  
Mokuba: Of course, that just makes life all the more fun for us, ne?  
  
Kaiba: Gak! Not you too! Not yet! YOU'RE ONLY TEN!!!  
  
Me: Don't worry, he's safe in my fic at least (Mokuba x anyone relationships kinda disturb me . . .)  
  
Jou: Oh Seto, you're such a hypocrite. *snuggles up and purrs*  
  
Anzu: Like I was saying . . . *sweatdrop*  
  
Me: Heh. I think I'm corrupting my fifth-grade sister . . . or you could see it as I'm making her more accepting of others' life-choices. Yeah, there's a bright side to this! Anyhoo, review and keep an eye out for the next installment. Ja ne! 


	3. Twisted, in Both the Figurative and Lite...

Chapter Three: Kids, This Is Why Underage Drinking Is Not Cool . . . (it makes you agree to some pretty stupid stuff)  
  
Author's Notes: Yeah, about the title, I've come to the conclusion that, no, the media doesn't convince kids to do drugs; it sways them in the opposite direction! I use TV, movies, anime, etc. all the time to show my little sister why drugs are bad (like "That 70s Show," "Cowboy Bebop," "The Simpsons," etc). I know it works, 'cuz she gives me this creeped-out look after watching high/drunk/stoned/whatever individuals being stupid/doing stupid things/etc. She's a pretty level-headed kid (must be genetic ^^), so she recognizes the characters as "wow, they're stupid" rather than "they just stole a car while high, and are now going to prison? COOOOL! I wanna be like that when I grow up!" Well, that and the fact that I got "stoned" off of flower essence (it's supposed to be a really mild substance obtained from plants that helps perk you up; apparently I had some kind of reaction and turned into a twitching, delusional, and physically whacked person), which I believe caused her to swear off drugs forever.  
  
Me: Wow, my updates have been pathetic. Nearly a year. Surprised I could even _find_ the files again. See, initially, it was the impending AP exams (which I actually did quite well on) . . . If I had a Sennen ring, they'd be the first ones to go!  
  
Yami Bakura: I don't think it has that power . . .  
  
Me: Shaddap! Of course it does! At least, in my own little fantasy world, which is the only place I'd ever own one anyway. But anyway, the real reason I stopped updating was that, one, I had exactly ONE review and two, I thought my work was crap. However, after receiving a review quite recently (how on Earth they found the story I'll never know), I felt guilty, read the story again, and realized it wasn't too bad . . . not great, but not miserable. At least it's not a Mary Sue. See, reviewing is good. Not reviewing is like killing the story. Quite simple.  
  
Yami Yuugi: Well, let's get the disclaimer done and over with.  
  
Me: Gak! Grammar alert! That sentence ended in a preposition!!! *starts having convulsions*  
  
Jounouchi: I kept telling her taking that class was a bad idea.  
  
Me: Yes, I now see grammar errors, ineffective diction and syntax, and logical fallacies EVERYWHERE. I think my friends all hate me now (Them: You did good. Me: WELL! I did WELL! Them: freak). Yet all the same, through all the insanity, I still can't spell worth beans . . . yay for the wonderful world of phonetic foreign languages!!!  
  
Kaiba: *watching his grammar now to keep up his "genius" reputation* Getting back to the topic of the disclaimer, I have seen some relatively bizarre disclaimers in fan fiction stories. It is a relief that we have normal ones.  
  
Mokuba: I was reading one where all the Yamis had to say it butt-naked!  
  
Kaiba: *goes into overprotective brother mode* NO MORE FANFICTION.NET FOR YOU! *runs off to program internet-protection software (since all of the programs currently out there reek, or at least the one they use at my school)*  
  
Malik: Hey, that's actually a good idea, the whole nude Yami thing.  
  
Me: *waves the Sennen rod* want me to?  
  
Yami Yuugi: *very quickly* TheauthoressdoesnotownYu-Gi- Ohnordoesshepretendtotherewillbeshounenaiinthisficsoifyoudon'tlikeitleaveoth erwisesitbackandenjoy!  
  
Honda: What was that for?  
  
Yami Yuugi: to prevent the inappropriate.  
  
Me: the fic is rated PG-13 . . . which allows me room to have some fun! *waves wand* (YM: it's a rod, dammit, a ROD)  
  
The Yamis: KYAAAAAAA!  
  
Yami Bakura: Hey, actually this isn't too bad.  
  
Yami Yuugi: Yeah, pretty comfortable actually.  
  
Mokuba: *from under a blindfold his brother had slapped over his eyes in anticipation for such an occurrence* What did you do to them?  
  
Me: I saw this really cool fan art piccie with Yami Yuugi in a Chinese dress (ya know, the short, tight kind with a slit up the leg?) and so I gave them all dresses!  
  
Yami Malik: Weee! I look like a magical girl in this!  
  
Honda: Um, let's start the fic already, okay? Onegai shimasu, before this gets any scarier?  
  
Ryou: I think it's kinda cute . . . *gets glomped by . . . anyone, you can decide who*  
  
Yuugi: Also, starting in this chapter, we have to establish "telepathic" speech symbols.  
  
/Yuugi to YamiY/ //YamiY to Yuugi// [Ryou to YamiB] [[YamiB to Ryou]] {Malik to YamiM} {{YamiM to Malik}}  
  
Me: I realize these are not necessarily what other authors/authoresses use, but I really don't care. *pffffft*  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"This one; I think its quite appropriate given that it is rather active and would serve as a good ice breaker," Yami Malik said, walking over to the corner where he had piled the various game pieces. He picked up the white sheet of plastic, walked over, and lay it down on the floor.  
  
"Twister?" Jounouchi asked, eying the colorful dots suspiciously.  
  
"This is a game," Malik informed them, "not of wits or necessarily luck, but of physical skill. Someone spins the arrow tacked onto this piece of cardboard and calls out the color and body part the arrow lands on. Then, the players put that body part, like a right hand, on any of the colored dots that the announcer had shouted out. Example: if the arrow lands on red left foot, everyone has to put their left foot on red."  
  
"And," his yami added quickly, "you can't have two body parts on the same vertical row. If you do, you're out." Malik leaned over and whispered in his yami's ear.  
  
"That's not a rule," he started, but was cut off.  
  
"If I know Kaiba, he'd just keep to himself on the furthermost row, as is the best way to win and avoid human contact. If I remember correctly, the goal here was to stimulate some 'fun,' ne?" He asked with an evil glint in his eye. Malik caught on and nodded.  
  
"There are twelve of us, two too many, meaning that two people can't participate; they can be the referee and spinner," Malik continued.  
  
"That should be Mokuba," Kaiba interjected quickly. "He shouldn't get involved in any of this devilry." With that comment he shot a glare towards the three yamis.  
  
"But, nii-sama," Mokuba beseeched, "they are my friends too; why can't I participate? I've already been through so much with everyone." His pleas fell on deaf ears as Kaiba's protective nature, and not necessarily what Mokuba wanted, took precedence in all of his decisions.  
  
"I don't trust them," he stated bluntly, "and I wish for you to take no part in their schemes; I've already lost you once to their necromancy and I will not allow your life to be in jeopardy again."  
  
"Kaiba, you're being too maternal," Jounouchi scolded lightly, "Mokuba's quite mature and has been through a lot already; let him have some fun."  
  
"I would never forgive myself if Mokuba were sent to the Shadow Realm," he stated quietly. Everyone was surprised at the un-Kaibaness of this comment, but quickly shrugged it off. Not to mention, the spiked punch was starting to kick in a bit.  
  
"Fine then, Mokuba serves as the referee and spinner," Malik directed. "First group to go is Yuugi, Ryou and his spirit, Anzu, and my spirit. Second round, obviously, will consist of myself, Jounouchi, Honda, Kaiba, and the illustrious pharaoh," he added, a bit sarcastic. "The two winners of each round will continue on to the last. You're automatically out if any part of you touches the mat or floor other than your hands or feet. Although magic is banned during this game, any other tactics for winning may be used. Fair enough?" Although a little hesitant about how violent the game could potentially turn, everyone nodded their heads.  
  
"Shoes off!" Yami Malik yelled, sipping a glass of punch.  
  
Anzu had a pleased smirk spread across her face at the fact that out of the bunch, she was the most talented at this type of game. She slipped off her shoes but she stopped suddenly remembering her attire.  
  
"Kuso," she muttered, glancing down at her miniskirt. "Ah, could you guys pause on the game for a sec," she asked, running over to Mokuba. "Um," she whispered hesitantly in his ear, "do you happen to have a pair of shorts that would fit me in your room?" It took him a second to understand her request, but as the insight hit him he smiled and nodded.  
  
"Sure, it'll just take a second," he reassured as he dashed off, Anzu following him. Seto reluctantly followed them.  
  
"Stupid locks," he muttered as he disappeared into the hallway.  
  
"Ok, Malik, what's your scheme this time?" Yami Yuugi harshly whispered to Yami Malik.  
  
"Why, pharaoh, what's wrong in having a little fun?" he asked, but seeing a genuinely curious expression on the Yami's face, decided to let him in on the plan. "Ok, fine, there's actually a purpose to the madness. You people are way too boring. There's not enough action going on if you catch my drift. Plus, the gay factor in this group, excluding that little kid and that one chick, is practically 100%, yet everyone here is so wrapped up in their superego-driven world that they refuse to admit it!"  
  
"'Superego,' you mean you actually pay attention in school?" Yami Yuugi sneered.  
  
"Hey, just psychology, and that's just because they teach about what makes people tick," Yami Malik spat defensively, "and as you know all so well, that's the key to control and manipulation, eh 'pharaoh,?'" This caused Yami Yuugi to grit his teeth; Yami Malik's comment had alluded to the truth. "Anyway, I figured that with the help of a friendly little mind- altering substance (referring to the punch) and the right 'games,' we could get them to open up a bit. I swear, if I see another longing glance coming from one and aimed towards another I am going to get them together forcefully!" he growled, twirling the Sennen rod between his fingers.  
  
"Actually, I must admit that you can be quite insightful sometimes," Yami Yuugi replied with a hint of genuine enjoyment in his voice as he walked back towards his hikari. "So, am I involved in this 'plan' of yours?"  
  
Yami Malik grinned. "But of course. Don't worry; I'll try not to stick you with that blonde kid or anything." Yami Yuugi rolled his eyes.  
  
"Joy, that's reassuring."  
  
Soon after the Kaibas and Anzu returned (she surprisingly enough didn't look too shabby in boy's shorts, probably because there were really small and short on her; granted, as Yami Malik had stated so eloquently before, no one would really notice her no matter what she wore), and the first round commenced with the five players lined up along the side of the sheet with red dots.  
  
"Right foot red," Mokuba told the players. Easily enough, Yuugi, Ryou, Anzu, Malik, and Yami Bakura placed the right foot on a red dot.  
  
"Left hand yellow." This was a bit harder due to the rule about not touching dots on the same row, but after a bit of shuffling, this too was accomplished.  
  
"Right hand green." As he strained to reach across the mat to a green dot, Yuugi slipped slightly and fell. "Sorry, Yuugi, but you're out," Mokuba informed him. Cheerfully, he stood up and walked off the mat.  
  
"It's ok; after all, my height puts me at an immediate disadvantage," he stated nonchalantly from next to his yami.  
  
The game commenced.  
  
"Right foot blue." With a hop, the four moved their right foot up a color.  
  
"Right hand yellow." Again, not too hard, it just involved a little shifting from one color to another.  
  
"Left foot green." This caused a predicament for Ryou who was on the far left hand side and didn't have a row to his left to put his foot on. He tried to place his foot on a green dot directly below Yami Bakura (who was to his right), but slipped and landed on his elbow.  
  
"I'm out," he stated, only slightly disappointed, and got up from the tarp.  
  
"Right hand red." As the remaining three shifted their weight to move their hand backwards, Yami Malik leaned over and whispered something in Yami Bakura's ear. His eyes sparkled at this remark and as he placed his hand on the circle he fell back onto the floor.  
  
"Oops, I guess I fell off," he commented a bit melodramatically.  
  
"Winners for this round are Anzu and Malik's yami," Mokuba announced (jeez, the spirits need names, and they don't call each other "yami" in the show . . . bleh. Owell, put up with my temporary, feigned "ignorance"). Anzu seemed pleased, but rather surprised at how easily she won. After all, seven commands weren't much. Yami Bakura, meanwhile, appeared quite content indeed with his loss.  
  
"I was promised a nice coupling in the next game," he explained quietly to a suspicious-looking Yami Yuugi.  
  
"Time for the next round: Yami Yuugi, Jounouchi, Honda, Malik, and Nii- sama," Mokuba announced.  
  
"I can't believe I've been reduced to this," Kaiba grumbled, taking off his jacket. He gently placed it on a nearby chair, rolled up his sleeves, and approached the mat. "The difficulty in this," he told himself, "is the lack of logical reasoning. As this is a game based on physical strength, balance, and understanding, certain players have a biological advantage. This was observed with Yuugi, who could not reach the circles comfortably. I, on the other hand, have longer limbs that allow for more flexibility. On the other hand, this makes me prone to poorer balance. Based on these facts, I'll have little competition from Jounouchi and Honda whom, besides their physical strength, have little grace. Malik is a bit of a wild card as I doubt there's any impending threat, but he might attempt to pull a trick. He, on the other hand," at which point he glared at Yami Yuugi out of the corner of his eye, "is lacking in height, but also has my analytical skills and incredible luck."  
  
"Hel~lo? Kai~ba?" Jounouchi enunciated. "Do you plan on joining the game or forfeiting now?"  
  
"Quiet, I'm analyzing," Kaiba abruptly snapped, but suddenly wished he hadn't.  
  
"You're 'analyzing' the game? It's Twister! It's like analyzing a pillow fight, there's no purpose to it," Jounouchi jeered.  
  
"And you wonder why you haven't once beaten me at Duel Monsters, considering your approach to games involves luck and improvisation," Kaiba retorted, his competitive sense overtaking his emotions. He carefully walked up to the mat, placing himself between Jounouchi and Yami Yuugi (who was on the end).  
  
"Hajime!"  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Onegai: Please  
  
Onegai shimasu: Please in a more respectable way (like when talking to the almighty authoress! Bwaahahahahaha!)  
  
Ne?: right? A Spanish equivalent would be "verdad?" It's stuck at the end of a sentence to ask for validation, like "This is fun, isn't it?" or "You like grapes, no?" 


End file.
